There are several major advantages to mediating your divorce compared to litigation. Among the biggest advantages is that mediation rewards creativity, cooperation and positive communication between parents on child-related issues. For parents who can look past negative emotions towards each other, the key to a cooperative co-parenting relationship often arises out of mutual respect and thoughtful communication during the mediation process. Thankfully, mediation offers soluti

Divorce signals the end of your marriage, but your relationship with your ex-spouse never really ends if you have children. You are no longer husband and wife, but you are co-parents, and limiting disagreements and working effectively is critical to aiding your children’s development. Of course, finding ways to get along isn’t so easy if there is a high amount of conflict in your relationship. Here are several tips you might find helpful as you work to improve communication w

Filling out college financial-aid forms can be confusing for anyone. They may become even more confusing for families where parents are divorced or unwed, or for blended families. The Free Application for Federal Student Aid, or Fafsa, generally requires personal and financial information from dependent students and their parents in order to determine eligibility for federal financial aid. It’s particularly important to fill out the Fafsa correctly since it “can make a huge d

Research tells us that children of divorce face many risks. It is a major challenge for kids to cope with the drastic change that is inevitable after their parents split and that adjustment is even tougher if they are exposed to the conflict of divorce. How children of divorce respond to news of their parents’ split can also vary wildly depending on their age. Your 4-year-old toddler is probably going to take the news of your divorce a whole lot differently than your 15-year-

If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce. We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable. I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from

Too often, co-parents put together a Parenting Plan, without a lot of consideration for how to implement the plan. Sometimes one or both co-parents are optimistic and think “we’ll just handle things the way we always have…the parenting plan is just there for back-up if we have problems, and we won’t have problems.” Until… ... in this excellent blog posting, Shannon Balk writes that what causes discord will often also cause “problems." For example, tension can be created when

In recent years, there has been a definite shift toward parents wanting to have equal parenting time with their children after a divorce. In fact, many states have already adopted co-parenting as the default arrangement in child custody cases, putting the burden of proof on either party to show that this arrangement is not in the best interests of the child. While 50/50 parenting may sound great in theory – the children get to be with both parents for an equal amount of time

There are ten things you need to know about divorce and financial aid and these ten things could help you to significantly reduce the cost of your child’s college education. Unfortunately, many couples don’t discuss their child’s college education as part of the divorce negotiations and those that do, focus on who’ll pay for what but overlook financial aid. That’s a mistake. In this excellent blog posting, Mandy Walker talks with Paula Bishop, an expert in financial aid who o

If you’re separated or getting a divorce from your kid’s other parent, you probably have a ton of questions about custody and child support. In an ideal world, these are things you wouldn’t have to think about. But in the real world, parents split up, and rarely is it possible to simply go your separate ways. Lots of issues have to be addressed when you have kids in common, starting with where your child lives and how their expenses are paid for. In this excellent blog postin

Child custody conflicts are among the most stressful and potentially damaging aspects of a divorce for everyone involved – but is there an alternative? For some the answer may be yes, and can help save peace of mind, psychological well-being, and financial costs. Rather than battle in court over the type of custody agreement for the children, mediation can be an option that offers a less contentious alternative for many parents. Since the goal of most divorcing parents is the

Many of the couples I see in my divorce mediation practice have children. Not surprisingly, I find that some parents are more able than others to keep their conflict separate from their relationship with the children. Understandably, this is no small feat, given all of the emotions, anxieties and fears that can arise during this challenging transition from married to separated/divorced. One of my goals throughout the mediation process is to help parents understand that the wa

When you mediate your divorce, you generally have more flexibility in determining a child support solution that works for everyone. By allowing both parents the flexibility they need to come up with their own answers, without being confined by the usual court process, divorce mediation gives parents the supportive environment they need to create a child support system that truly works. This does not mean that mediating child support is easy, of course. Poorly constructed, cou

It is not an uncommon situation: You divorced several years ago and agreed to monthly child support payments. But now you're remarrying, and things have changed. Not only do you now need to support your new spouse's kids, you may even be considering adoption. Or, you may simply want to start a new family and need a better sense of financial rights and responsibilities. Whatever the circumstance, it is important to understand your legal obligations and what options may or may

This week I'm writing a series of blog postings on making joint custody - co-parenting - work after a divorce. Yesterday I offered a second co-parenting tip. Co-parenting tip 3: Co-parent as a team. Parenting is full of decisions you’ll have to make with your ex, whether you like each other or not. Cooperating and communicating without blow-ups or bickering makes decision-making far easier on everybody. If you shoot for consistency, geniality, and teamwork with your co-paren

This week I'm writing a series of blog postings on making joint custody - co-parenting - work after a divorce. Yesterday I offered a first co-parenting tip. Co-parenting tip 2: Improve communication with your co-parent. Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: y

This week I'm writing a series of blog postings on making joint custody - co-parenting - work after a divorce. Yesterday I covered he benefits of co-parenting to your children. Co-parenting tip 1: Set hurt and anger aside. Successful co-parenting means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex,

This week I'm writing a series of blog postings on making joint custody - co-parenting - work after a divorce. Yesterday I covered what co-parenting is. The key to successful co-parenting is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship. It may be helpful to start thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well-being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may

This week I'm writing a series of blog postings on making joint custody - co-parenting - work after a divorce. Co-parenting after a split is rarely easy, especially if you have a contentious relationship with your ex-partner. You may be concerned about your ex’s parenting abilities, stressed about child support or other financial issues, feel worn down by conflict, or think you’ll never be able to overcome all the resentments in your relationship. But co-parenting amicably wi

Whenever parents seek advice about helping their children adjust to the fallout of divorce, they are, more often then not, instructed about what not to do rather than provided with useful ideas about how to behave in a positive manner to the benefit of their children. They are typically told: “Don’t put your children in the middle of conflict between you and your ex”; or, “Don’t badmouth the other parent.” Although such advice has its place, it nevertheless assumes a deficit

In this blog posting, Dr. Joan B. Kelly offers ten ways to protect you children during your divorce. Talk to your children about your separation. Be discreet. Act like grown-ups. Keep your conflict away from the kids. Stay in the picture. Deal with anger appropriately. Be a good parent. Manage your own mental health. Keep the people your children care about in their lives. Be thoughtful about your future love life. Pay your child support. #Divorce #ChildrenandDivorce #ChildCu