While divorce rates have been dropping across age groups in recent years, the exception to that trend is among Americans ages 65 and up. While the reasons are complicated, this excellent article in the New York Times offers that it’s becoming clear that some Gen Xers and baby boomers are increasingly unwilling to stay in what sociologists call “empty shell marriages.” These are relationships in which there is no real connection or vitality, where one or both partners are not

Blame. While I steer well clear of the word and concept in mediation, I am continually pulled towards it in life. There is a lot wrong with blame. It usually lacks compassion, is rich in judgment, and is packed with hostility and animosity. Yet blame we do. So what is the purpose of blame? In this excellent blog article, Rachel Alexander offers three possibilities. Order and Safety Realigning with the Other and Closing a Distance Reform Reality to Meet Expectations and Value

Divorce has a way of activating shame. Quietly or loudly, many people turn inward and begin assigning blame - sometimes to their former partner, often to themselves. The internal narrative can be relentless: I should have known better. I should have tried harder. This is my fault. In this excellent blog posting, Rachel Alexander writes the blame, whether directed outward or inward, can feel stabilizing at first. It offers a sense of explanation and control. But over time, bl

For most couples, their home and retirement accounts are their largest assets. As couples begin to separate their lives, including divvying up finances, they must determine whether they can afford to hold on to that asset in order to nest - where children live in the family home full time while the parents rotate in and out. Will they rent a second apartment to share when they’re not on parenting duty? Will the mortgage on the family home still be paid as it had been? Who wil

Many couples don’t consider 529 accounts carefully when splitting up, and other families make a crucial mistake that can leave a mess if somebody dies. If you’ve managed to start a 529 college savings account, pat yourself on the back. You’ll be glad you set one up — and you’re lucky you have money to spare, since plenty of people don’t. But each of these accounts can involve up to four people: the account owner, the spouse of that owner, the beneficiary and the successor. An

More than anything else in the world, Erin Millender longed to be a mother. She already had a day care picked out, a Pack ’n Play stashed in her basement. She’d tried Chinese pregnancy teas and midnight fertility ceremonies under a full moon in the Caribbean Sea. Whatever it took to have a child. Now in her mid-40s, Millender knew she was running out of time. She had already spent several years attempting in vitro fertilization, with no luck. She’d decided to give I.V.F. one

In 2023, more than 1.8 million Americans got divorced. For many Americans, retirement accounts represent their largest assets, and divorce often means dividing those accounts between them and their former spouses. For the portion of a retirement account retained by a plan participant after a divorce, updating the beneficiary designation is an important follow-up step. In cases where the intent is to remove a former spouse as beneficiary of that retained portion, that update m

Regardless of the extent of financial assets or how fathomless one’s pockets, to spend money unnecessarily on divorce is imprudent. So, I want to invite you, if you are thinking about divorce, to give some careful thought to where you want to invest your resources: Are you willing to set aside $40,000 or $50,000 each to pursue an adversarial process? No one would pay $100,000 for a stressful, painful, acrimonious, protracted, loss-of-control, bilious experience. No one would

The article below is from the 4/28/26 edition of the Boston Globe. If you find yourself suffering from profound feelings of despair and failure please reach out for help and support. "Horror stories of parents who kill their children are at least as old as the Greek myth of Medea, the scorned wife who killed her sons in a jealous rage. These stories make tragedies like the one that unfolded over the weekend in Wellesley, where a mother is accused of killing her two children,

When it comes to college planning after divorce, things can get complicated quickly. From 529 plans to FAFSA rules to who pays what - it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. The good news? You can still support your child’s education without putting your own retirement at risk. In this excellent blog posting, Judd Allen breaks down what every divorced parent needs to know about college funding.

When you're in the middle of a divorce, it's easy to focus on the immediate: the house, support payments, or custody schedules. But what often gets overlooked is how the settlement will impact your retirement - sometimes permanently. In this excellent blog posting, Judd Allen helps you avoid some of the most common pitfalls.

How can we address the consequences of harm done to us without perpetuating a “victim” mentality? Sometimes the actions of others hurt us. We feel disempowered and objectified. We feel victimized. However, we do not want to be victims, so this is something that needs unpacking. In this excellent blog posting, Rachel Alexander writes that there is a new way to talk about — and actually attend to — the aspects of ourselves that have endured harm without collapsing into a “victi

Custody can be a loaded term, filled with implicit threats of loss — loss of control, loss of time, and loss of one’s children. Custody, both a legal and colloquial term, can render images of wailing children wrenched from the arms of panicking parents. In this excellent blog posting, Rachel Alexander writes that one of her tasks as a mediator is to challenge antiquated, draconian concepts of custody, and reimagine how divorcing parents can raise children together.

In this excellent blog posting, Rachel Alexander writes of a recent divorce negotiation, in which a father raised several concerns about entering into a custody and parenting agreement for their nine-year-old son. His concerns are both legitimate and pertinent to most divorcing couples who are also parents of young children. Here are two of his concerns with Rachel's responses.

There are many things no one tells you about divorce. This article by Rachel Alexander — part IV of her four-part series — concerns itself with another critical, often overlooked issue in the divorce process: the establishment of a supportive network. It is best addressed early and often. In the early days of the pandemic, many of us unwittingly revisited the fear of scarce resources and need for basic items like Clorox and paper goods. There was an urgency, clarity and even

There are many things no one tells you about divorce. This article by Rachel Alexander — part III of her article in four parts - concerns itself with another critical, often overlooked, issue in the divorce process. We hope this helps in adjusting expectations and preparing you to best manage this largely unmanageable time. III. Attorneys Attorneys have a crucial role in the divorce process and it is important to be supported by the appropriate level of expertise; however, pe

There are many things no one tells you about divorce. This article by Rachel Alexander - part II of her article in four parts - concerns itself with another major, often overlooked, issue in the divorce process. We hope this helps in adjusting expectations and preparing so you can best manage through this largely unmanageable time. II. Status quo and Shifting Ground Often folks must carry on with daily life as if nothing has changed, when everything is, in fact, changing. Thi

There are many things that no one tells you about divorce. This article by Rachel Alexander – an article in four acts – concerns itself with four major, often overlooked problems with the divorce process. Bringing attention to them can help you prepare and adjust your expectations accordingly. I. Delays – a multifactorial problem In the divorce process, hurry up, rev up, and then wait. Divorce, especially if you are litigating, is replete with delays. You are expecting someth

In this excellent article from the New York Times, Cathi Hanauer writes of her and her husband's experience ending their three decade marriage. "So overall, my experience has cemented my view that when wedlock no longer feels right or healthy later in life — and if, like us, you’re fortunate enough to have careers, adult kids and a willingness to do the work of a good split (not unlike being in a good marriage!) — then unlocking, becoming separate again, can be a fine option.

There are many things that no one tells you about divorce. This article by Rachel Alexandar – an article in four acts – concerns itself...