• Alan Jacobs

Are You Really Ready for Divorce? The 8 Questions You Need to Ask

Your marriage is in question and you're facing a real dilemma. You may be the one who is deciding should you stay or should you go.


Or you may be the one who has just heard that your spouse wants a divorce.


Most books and articles on divorce are written based on the assumption that once a couple says they want a divorce that they are ready for divorce. In this excellent article, Bruce Derman and Wendy Gregson write that this is in fact not the case. Usually when couples begin the divorce process, either one but more often than not, both, are not really ready for the divorce. The article outlines what couples need to do in order to face the numerous dilemmas that are inherent in divorce.


For divorce to be a collaborative and respectful process, the couple must be prepared and ready to separate their lives on all levels; legally, practically and emotionally. To do this each person must face their divorce dilemma by answering the following 8 questions.


  • Do you still have feelings for your partner?

  • Were you ever really married?

  • Are you truly ready for divorce or are you just threatening?

  • Is this a sincere decision based on self awareness or is it an emotionally reactive decision?

  • What is your intent in wanting a divorce?

  • Have you resolved your internal conflict over the divorce?

  • Can you handle the unpleasant consequences of divorce?

  • Are you willing to take control of your life in a responsible and mature way?

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