What can you do to improve your marriage or intimate relationship when your interactions are mostly negative and conflictual? While this is a common problem, the solutions are far from ordinary. Also, while conflict may appear to be a destructive force in relationships, it can enhance intimacy.
In this excellent blog posting, Terry Gaspard offers ways to deal effectively with conflict in relationships:
Avoid blame, criticizing, or showing contempt for your partner.
Avoid character assassinations.
Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities.
State your need in a positive way.
Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements that can come across as blameful.
Take a short break if you feel overwhelmed or flooded.
Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Practice having a recovery conversation after an argument.