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  • Alan Jacobs

Tips for a Productive Divorce Mediation

It’s a common mistake for divorcing spouses to confuse mediation with couple’s therapy. Mediation should be thought of as a conversation about the future, with the goal of reaching an amicable divorce settlement that puts both spouses on the best path forward. Unlike couple’s therapy where the goal is to resolve conflict within a romantic relationship, during mediation it is understood that the romantic aspect of your relationship is over. As such, you should not use mediation time to harp on issues of the past. Savvy mediators will redirect talking points about the past to a conversation about the future.


Many spouses use mediation as a strong alternative to divorce litigation because the cost of mediation is cheaper than litigation, takes less time to complete, and allows the spouses to control the outcome of their divorce instead of leaving that outcome in the hands of a judge. Remember to put your best foot forward during mediation because if the mediation fails, you will end up spending your time and money on divorce litigation which is exactly what you are trying to avoid.


In this excellent blog posting, Asa Pitt offers tips for a productive divorce mediation:

  1. Understand the Mediator’s Role.

  2. Listen Carefully Before You Speak.

  3. Do Not Attack the Other Spouse During Mediation.

  4. Use the Word “Because”.

  5. Share ALL of the Relevant Information.

  6. It’s Okay to Take a Break.

  7. Understand that You May Have a Future Relationship With Your Ex-Spouse.

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