Why Being Hard on Yourself Doesn't Help

Divorce has a way of activating shame. Quietly or loudly, many people turn inward and begin assigning blame - sometimes to their former partner, often to themselves. The internal narrative can be relentless: I should have known better. I should have tried harder. This is my fault. 

In this excellent blog posting, Rachel Alexander writes the blame, whether directed outward or inward, can feel stabilizing at first. It offers a sense of explanation and control. But over time, blame tends to trap people in the past rather than helping them move forward. It keeps the nervous system activated and the story frozen.